Let Me Paint You a Picture

I don't think I ever fully anticipated what some of my days would look like with two little kids so close in age.
Monday night, the Hubs went to a wake for his great uncle.  I had to make a quick decision to either drag two little hellions while chasing them around the funeral home, sweating, and praying to Dear God above they didn't touch the body -- OR stay home and do bedtime solo.

Staying home won that round.  No brainer, right?

Well.  HA HA HA.  It was all at once awful and hilarious.

It was bath night.  Joey always tries to dive head-first into the tub WITH his clothes still on, so you'd assume I undress him first.  BUT, if I do, I run the risk of him running around nekkid and peeing anywhere he pleases.  Plus I can't sit him in the tub unless I'm right there the entire time because he also has a tendency to whack his melon in the tub and a drowning baby isn't something I want to deal with.  Ever.

So I decide to strip Joey down to his diaper and then realize, he's filled that thing with all sorts of unkind matter.  No problem, I'll wipe him down before I stick him in the tub.  But Morgan takes off with his full diaper, running....and it's open.   Of course she's screaming and laughing because this is FUN!

I get Joey cleaned up and he's now naked, running free.  I try to tackle Morgan, who is also running, flinging a poopy diaper around.  Poopy diaper #1 has now taken priority over the possibility of Joey peeing everywhere.

I get a hold of Morgan, strip her down, and realize oh hey, it's time for allllll the kids to poop, as she too, has filled her diaper.  I no sooner get the diaper off her and start wiping and Joey comes up and swipes HER diaper.  Full of nuggets.  And takes off running.  (You'd think I'd learn to close up the diaper immediately, right?  Not when these kids are thrashing around, I'm usually using all of my extremities to hold them down.  If only I had another arm AND leg!)

So he runs off, and I can't find any of the nuggets that were previously present in Morgan's diaper.  I have two naked children that could pee at any moment on the carpet.  I swiftly grab both kids and throw their stinky little rumps in the tub.

And not even 5 seconds after setting them in the water, I see more tub nuggets floating away.  Multiplying.  EVERY. WHERE.

I yank both kids back out of the tub, drain all the water, rinse the tub, then start to refill it.  By now, they're naked, wet, laughing, and again running around thinking this is all just WAY. TOO. FUN.

If I ever get the side eye from anyone about my wine or beer consumption, I'm inviting them over for bath night.  Maybe they can find the lost nuggets.