School: Second Thoughts?

I type this post feeling SO awful this morning.  As I dropped my baby girl off for her 3rd week of toddler school, she still continues to cry and scream when  we walk in her classroom.  This morning I hung out for a few minutes outside the door (where she couldn't see me) to see if she'd calm down and....she didn't.  I finally had to force myself to just LEAVE.

When I pick her up (she only goes half days twice a week) she is usually cuddled up to one of the teachers, looks like she has been crying the entire day, and appears extremely tired.  I watch for a minute or two from the door because as soon as I walk in?  Tears.  All over again.  Like she is so happy I finally came to rescue her.

I know her reaction to this transition is probably very typical.  Her main teacher told me that since she is only part-time, it will likely take her longer to adjust.  Maybe even a month or more.  I'm not sure what I can do to help her through this.  The teachers tell me she is fine while she is there, but still has her "moments".  (This was evidenced on school picture day as her eyes are all puffy and red from crying.  Broke my heart to see those pictures.)

School Picture :(   Yah, get me an 8x10 of that please.  Or not.

Another thing that makes me question this whole picture is something that MUST have happened with a ball. On one of her daily report sheets it said "Morgan had fun playing with a ball today."  So that evening, I remembered that and pulled out this little yellow rubber ball we have, thinking we'd roll it around or kick it back and forth to each other.  She LOST HER MIND, started crying and screaming and running away as soon as she saw that ball.  It took a while to calm her down after that.

I waited a few days and then tried again.  Same reaction - a complete freakout.  So like I said...something MUST have happened with a ball.  Or is my toddler being weird and just having an unusual aversion to balls, lol?  I could ask her teachers about it, but now a week has passed and really -- what am I going to do about it, even if she was, say hit in the head by a ball?  Accidents happen and I can't control what goes on when she's there.

That's part of my problem I guess..I have no control over protecting her or her environment.  I remember feeling this way when she was in the NICU for 5 weeks.  My baby...even thoug she was getting the VERY best care possible, I had no control over anything.  When she finally got to come home to be with us, I vowed to protect her with every fiber of my being.  Heck, she's never even been sick, except for an ear infection after a flight when she turned 1.  She had a fever this past weekend :(  I know she will be exposed to sickies sooner or later and I can't keep her in a bubble forever.

How do I know if I'm doing the right thing for my child?  I've noticed when she comes home from school and usually the next day, she is very content to play by herself.  But by day 3 of being at home, she starts getting really whiny and clingy again.  She's also learning new things at a mind blowing rate:  Numbers, shapes, words.  It's fascinating.

I love my sweet girl more than anything and just can't stand to see her sad or hurting.  I'm hoping we'll get through this new phase with a little more time.